and while earlier i was thinking lots about water and movement now i’m stuck on different types of paralysis. differences between delightful pockets and cages
max capacity or even 60% requires so much self-care and energy but imagine fully functioning can you even? i am so lethargic sugar-sedated and fearing what’s next i can’t even mop a floor
by Annie Dillard
I remember reading
in my room, just reading,
and shutting the book,
looking up, and missing you, missing you,
and reading the paper again. There’s no freedom in it
or in fear: my heart’s not mine.
i also wonder and worry where is all this going, sugar sheet thought palimpsest imminent depressive type condensation
and something i heard today was: i haven’t spoken your language in a while
walking home from work earlier and i am wondering about telling people to shut up and how when you tell them to shut up sometimes really you’re the one that wants to shut up, like maybe literally-ish, as in, shut up in a space and be uncontacted, because you’re at some low point where you don’t want to hear whatever, because like sometimes also i am in what i called in a twitter draft a “shut up mood”. but it’s not that every time you want someone to shut up it is really you yourself who should or would shut up, but sometimes.