coffee and tv

if you steam and chop some broccoli and add some fresh apples and then some feta OR nutritional yeast well it’s pretty comforting

last night a boy told me I gave him something silent and unknowable, and i laughed in his face. i’m not here to be anyone’s moon, some remote mystery.

with enough sleep and caffeine, well-hydrated even, and having already done a little exercise, you might find yourself quietly thinking “you better watch the fuck out” to no one in particular.

the things you worry about,  the things you don’t

Sometimes we are asked to prove who we are.

Just this morning at the library I had to open

my passport & ask a stranger to vouch for me

so that I could take home a book. If you live

long enough, you realise that you are not

the person you were. Here in this kitchen –

a kitchen I might in conversation call mine –

I own exactly one sharp knife & the wooden spoon

I use to stir the sauce. A greasy tin kettle, pulled

from the back of a cabinet, soaks in warm water.

The days are like no days I have ever known.

Would I like things to be better? Yes.

But what does it matter? Intent seems so small

a part. And will. I have come a long way

to stand before this window in a harsh light

above a tap of undrinkable water. I pass daily

through the town’s old gardens to see the peacock

in its cage. In the cold, it turns its back

to the opening. It holds its magnificence close

to its sides. And whatever this resembles –

shyness or restraint, a greediness even – it is not.

1 year a go

1 year a go

i feel the strong of the hand of one that i was depending on

❝ Jenny Holzer’s famous truism “Protect me from what I want” renders in a very precise way the fundamental ambiguity of the hysterical position. It can either be read as an ironic reference to the standard male chauvinist wisdom that a woman, when left to herself, gets caught in the self-destructive fury, so that she must be protected from herself by the benevolent male domination: “Protect me from the excessive self-destructive desire in me that I myself am not able to dominate.” Or it can be read in a more radical way, as pointing towards the fact that in today’s patriarchal society, woman’s desire is radically alienated, that she desires what men expect her to desire, that she desires to be desired by men. In this case, “Protect me from what I want” means “What I want, precisely when I seem to formulate my authentic innermost longing, is already imposed on me by the patriarchal order that tells me what to desire, so the first condition of my liberation is that I break up the vicious cycle of my alienated desire and learn to formulate my desire in an autonomous way.” ❞

Slavoj Žižek, How To Read Lacan (via aminaabramovic)


I am haunted by all the editions of books that are prettier than the ones I already own.

i just read a fb posted article about how it is not enough to think highly of your friends, or think of them often, or whatever. this is something i struggle with big time, thinking vs. doing. it’s the most basic way to get out of your head, is to remind someone of a memory or tell them something you thought of them. why not? living in space type stuff, see your affective power in real time

make those phone calls and go out for coffees or walks is what i am saying for death will soon be upon us

sometimes you can be sure that things influence you

very into this video

sometimes i find things and i don’t know what they are

was digging in backpack earlier and thought some of the weight at the bottom was infinite jest but remembered no